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Old 02-28-2016, 03:24 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
I truly believe that you are never wrong when you honesty & truly put the kids first. I absolutely believe that is your intention here wtbh; no matter how or why you're triggering, that part comes through loud & clear.

I think she's not only protecting the addict, but herself. She doesn't see how ANY of this is related to addiction, focusing on how you are attacking her parenting instead. And I agree with you, it's definitely a situation where we can easily see that an extreme codie is as sick as/if not more so than the addict themselves.

All in all, sounds like you're going to lose a friend no matter how it goes from here. Or - maybe not. Don't count out that one day she WILL have her awakening & decide to break out of this dysfunction she's living in. We all have different "bottoms" after all.

For you, examining the unexpected triggers - like dealing with the police - could be GREAT recovery work that you couldn't have gotten to any other way. I'm sure you feel completely off-balance today because you aren't comfortable with this "new normal" yet & you probably have a lot of anxiety & adrenalin left running through your body needing a way to be purged. Try some exercise, deep cleaning, journaling, etc.? (((((HUGS)))))
I did go for a run today-- that helped some... I am PETRIFIED of having to face the fact she may well go to the court, file the same allegations she made to the police and get a temp RO because that's how they roll and then Ill have to defend myself....

But at the end of the day, someone had to talk about the kids' rights here...

And yes, the friendship is over and that is ok bc this has been dysfunctional for a year and she's been too enmeshed and enabling of his abuse and drinking for me to take any more of anyway... the friendship has been exhausting and not fun so it's sad to have lost it but the loss began more than a year ago so its been a long time coming...

And I so appreciate your take on my working on coping with triggers and the growth I need in this area-- you're SO spot on! Thank you!
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