I Have Moved Into My New Place
Hi,
I have moved into my new small rental home. It certainly is a very different feeling, after being with my ah for the last 12 yrs. I have a lot of unpacking to do. And there are a lot of little things that need to be done. Really doesn't feel like my home. I'm still having emotional moments, about why did I have to leave my home that I felt safe and secure in. Then I remember, in my ah mind, it was his home. He wanted be out, threatened to kick me out, so I new in my mind I would never feel safe there again.
All these thoughts are flooding my brain, about what life my ah and I could have had. Again, my ah made it clear he used to love me, but doesn't anymore. It's funny how quickly things changed for him. In October, he professed his love for me, then in December, my ah stated he didn't love me anymore.
I don't think I'll ever understand this disease, but from all the other stories I've read, it's seems the content is so similar.
I have my protective order hearing on Wednesday. I met with my lawyer, but can't afford his fee to have him come with me. My ah will have his lawyer with him. My lawyer wrote out a sort of script to follow. I'm very nervous about going alone. My girlfriend is gonna go with me. I hope they let her come in with me. That's the next thing I'll be facing.
My dogs seem to be adjusting well to our new place. The first day with them was rough. At my new place they need to be on a run, which in my old home they were able to run free. It will be a little getting used to for them.
I know I did the right thing, but still feeling so overwhelmed and stressed.
Life shouldn't be this hard. When you think you have it all, in a matter of a second, it can all be taken away from you.
I am counting my blessing for what I do have and hoping I continue to have the courage and strength to face what lies ahead. Thank you all for listening to my thoughts.
Z