Rrrrrgggh. I am ashamed to say I drank last night. I had a month of sobriety
It was a combination of stress about my husband, feeling overwhelmed by the new program I'm in, anger and self-pity.
But really
there was no reason for it at all. Except alcoholism. I didn't think of a single one of the strategies for dealing with triggers that I wrote pages on in my journal!! I just saw a beer, grabbed it, and opened it. All in a split second.
I didn't black out, thank God. But I didn't even enjoy it. I didn't feel relief or happiness, just more depression.
It's weird because at a meeting yesterday, I heard that you can't let your sobriety depend on the ups and downs of life. Then I did exactly that.
I've been writing about it and reading recovery stuff all day so far. I will not drink today. Who knows what will happen? What could I lose next time? I lucked out but am very aware that I risked everything. And I don't want to live that life anymore.
Congrats to knb. And thank you so much for your hard work, Coco, and for posting lots.