Old 02-23-2016, 08:46 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
tc9816
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: mission viejo, California
Posts: 1
Unhappy struggling girlfriend of an addict currently in rehab - how to cope?

Good evening everyone - newcomer here. I just want to express my thanks for finding soberrecovery because i'm losing sleep and hope and have no one to turn to and I am very sad .
A little bit of background on my relationship:
7 months ago, During the first two dates my boyfriend took me out on, he stated that he was 2 years sober from drugs and alcohol. I thought to myself that I wouldn't have a problem with his addiction anymore and that he was fully recovered. Boy was I wrong.
With not having any history of alcoholism in my family, I didn't think much of his recovery besides that he decided to not drink anymore.
Anyway,
The first 3-4 months of our relationship (during the summer) , we were in our honeymoon phase. To say the least, he was very lovey-dovey, romantic, and had high sexual desires. Besides being an affectionate boyfriend, he worked almost everyday- a hardworker, and wasn't sloppy at all. Not lazy, cleaned up and always smelled good.

Anyway, he relapsed about 4 times the last 3 months. I dont doubt he used behind mine and his family's back at more times too.
He decided to check in to rehab when he admitted to me he was miserable and had a problem. He never is violent with me or verbally abusive. The closest thing was probably when he came to pick me up when he was tipsy and I didn't know he was and he drove. I asked him why he would put our lives in danger and he reasoned to me and said that he missed me so much ( we at most see each other twice a week).
He checked in rehab on Jan 2, 2016. He was doing well for the first few weeks he said he finally found God again. but He relapsed on feb 9th - (took 5 xanax and went to the bar and got arrested for public misconduct). At the time i didn't know he got arrested or relapsed.
I had no contact with him for 7 days I was worried SICK!!!!
I heard back from him after all that and he apologized.

I visited him the saturday after he got back.. he's miserable, in bad shape, very angry about not having his car in his possession and not having his phone and no job during rehab.. he says it makes him want to retaliate. He mentioned that he doesn't want to be sober yet hes still at rehab till this day.

I just need advice.. on how to handle his relapse and his bitter attitude about being in rehab. basically this relationship.. this is all new to me. I'm visiting him this weekend so I want to be able to say and do the right things to make him feel better.
I APPRECIATE IT ALL. love you all so much
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