Key- I wish I had a good answer because you have been nothing but totally awesome with all of your posts here. You are definitely a good and caring person that deserves happiness.
My marriage has had some rocky times too and sometimes it is not easy but we stick together. I've heard of so many stories of relationship problems during early sobriety as the mask of alcohol disappears and we suddenly are staring at problems we have ignored in the face. I think most of them can be worked through but it does take some work and some forgiveness. Nobody is perfect of course and I'm sure just about everybody is here is a testament to that.
All you can do Is work on it. One thing at a time. Things won't get better overnight but they can get better. I believe that staying sober is the key because it gives us the ability to work on problems instead of masking them.