Some of my evenings I am tempted by the "one drink won't hurt" whispering in my mind - but the thought of starting over at day one is so repulsive to me that I reject the temptation.
My "last" - and, hopefully, it will be my last - attempt at sobriety was a nightmare. I was drinking from wake-up 'till bedtime. I was curing the morning shakes with my martini fix. Not really a martini, it was guzzling gin as they call it. Then the "just one more" rule kicked in. It wasn't really about a drunkin' brawl. The booze had become a maintenance necessity. The evening would come with it's normal ritual. You guessed it - guzzling gin. By the next morning, yesterdays actions and conversations were just a black hole in the past. Too may times I heard, "Last night you said..." If your reading this, you likely have been there.
The climb from the basement I made by myself after a few false starts. You know the kind. "I'll taper off" or"This will be my last" became my brain's (and my body's) way of retaliation. Then one day I got stupid and brave and decided no more. I did it - probably out of shame - without help and during a time when my wife was away and I had no other commitments. The shakes, the sweating and the feelings of helplessness were incredible. I had quit for months at a time before, but I soon realized that my steadily increasing habit had significantly raised the bar to achieve sobriety. My body had a craving and my mind had a craving. That said, I knew deep down that I was in the spiral and if I didn't fix the fix, my life would be finished.
Enough with that. This morning I'm beginning the 60 day mark and I feel great. In addition to physically and mentally feeling great, I feel spiritually great as I am supported by family and friends who tolerated me for many years.
My body has also quickly responded to sobriety. My weight has come down along with my blood pressure and cholesterol. I'm off meds that I've taken for years. Waking up with a clear head is INCREDIBLE!
May God bless!
60 days and movin' on.
