Key, I feel you are expecting reprisals for you past behaviour perhaps because you feel you deserve to be treated that way. It is often harder to forgive our own bad behaviour than it is others, we are our own worst critic. You have hidden behind the bottle for so many tears, fearing what sobriety will shine a light on. Well, now sobriety is shining that light and I feel that the reason you are struggling so, is that in your heart you understand that it is time to deal.
You say you fear what therapy will disclose about yourself, but I say 'how are we to change our behaviour if we don't understand what is causing it?' Your life may well be different in the future, but if you chose to understand the 'why' of your behaviour, you go forward holding the reins instead of sitting backwards in the saddle.
BeFree, Glee has some great points there and some good suggestions for getting on with your life and strengthening your sobriety. I happen to know you love photography and have a sweet dog, 2 great reasons for being out and about, especially as the days are getting longer and warmer. I know we can come home from work feeling too drained to bother, but doing something we love can actually enervate us.
You are all in my thoughts this weekend peeps, Keep on Keeping on xx