View Single Post
Old 02-19-2016, 03:48 PM
  # 269 (permalink)  
Dee74
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,045
I think fear underpins a lot of us Key.
I lot of us were afraid of who we might find when we took the drink away.

I know I was terrified. The last thing I could remember about myself before I started drinking was I hated myself and my life.

No one would want to go0 back to that, but I also didn;t want to go back to drinking...

thankfully I found that I was a lot different at 40 than I was at 20.

I found that, although I wasn't a saint, I had many good qualities. I spent a little time getting to know myself. I'd never done that before.

I always had to be around people cos I was terrified to be alone with myself and my thoughts.

That desperate need to belong, to be part of a group, and not be lonely was the prime motivation for me through 30 years.

Somehow I'd convinced myself I was the lowest of the low and that the only validation that mattered was external, from other people.

That took a lot of time to change, but change it did. The more I liked myself and my own company the less needy I became, and the less lonely.

I guess what I'm trying to say is do;t let fear hold you back Key. I feel very confident you'll like what you find - and if you find anything you don't like - you can change it

D



Originally Posted by KeyofC View Post
I posted a blog, but I need some responses. I'm sorry I've been absent. I posted a blog on that too. Just give me your raw, honest perception on what I'm feeling. We don't know each other very well, just do the best you can with what we have. I appreciate it, thanks and I hope everyone is well. (Hug) I hope to be more involved again, soon. Here goes:

My blog entry
I am struggling with dealing with the parts of me I've never known. I don't know how to deal with this woman that now is seeming insecure, uneasy, afraid. This is how she acts in her personal relationships today. I think I push my husband away because I am so needy. I wasn't like this before. For months now I have been trying to change that. It's getting better but stopping this is like trying to stop a derailing train! I am clingy, I am not trusting of his behavior. I think I am afraid he will pay me back by acting like I have on several occasions. Being shady, untrustworthy, lying, untruthful. He never has, why would he start now. These are thing I used to do and be. I feel like some people judge me harshly and just simply don't want to be around me since I've become sober. I feel they blame me for my marital problems, but no matter my part in it (that I completely take ownership for) it takes two to tango. Why am I so quick to judge him and point out his negative behavior? Why can't I overlook it and concentrate on myself? What the hell and why can't I just get a life and get a grip on this????? I'm so over it! I know I can't drink and I won't, but I've got to get my life back together. It's driving me insane! Any comments are welcome, please!
Dee74 is offline