I cannot moderate. I always end up in the drinking every day stage. Doesn't take long. The fact that it took me so long to realize that, caused me to have daily withdrawals and severe panic attacks.
Now that I admitted it and know I can't have this abusive relationship, being sober is awesome and rewarding and much easier than any other attempt. I fully believe that from this day forward I will live a sober life. But I had to first recognize my problem and stop romanticizing alcohol.