I posted a blog, but I need some responses. I'm sorry I've been absent. I posted a blog on that too. Just give me your raw, honest perception on what I'm feeling. We don't know each other very well, just do the best you can with what we have. I appreciate it, thanks and I hope everyone is well. (Hug) I hope to be more involved again, soon. Here goes:
My blog entry
I am struggling with dealing with the parts of me I've never known. I don't know how to deal with this woman that now is seeming insecure, uneasy, afraid. This is how she acts in her personal relationships today. I think I push my husband away because I am so needy. I wasn't like this before. For months now I have been trying to change that. It's getting better but stopping this is like trying to stop a derailing train! I am clingy, I am not trusting of his behavior. I think I am afraid he will pay me back by acting like I have on several occasions. Being shady, untrustworthy, lying, untruthful. He never has, why would he start now. These are thing I used to do and be. I feel like some people judge me harshly and just simply don't want to be around me since I've become sober. I feel they blame me for my marital problems, but no matter my part in it (that I completely take ownership for) it takes two to tango. Why am I so quick to judge him and point out his negative behavior? Why can't I overlook it and concentrate on myself? What the hell and why can't I just get a life and get a grip on this????? I'm so over it! I know I can't drink and I won't, but I've got to get my life back together. It's driving me insane! Any comments are welcome, please!