Well day 4 has ended on a high note. Went to a meeting with my sponsor in the town I am living in. Met new people, had some great laughs, drank entirely too much coffee. Hit another "tipping point" tonight... ready to get rid of my insurance alcohol. You know, the half bottle I was using to taper myself off with and was keeping me from a mindless jaunt to the corner store for more... I haven't touched it until tonight, I looked at it after I picked it up, smiled, and said "my friend, it's time for us to part ways for good". ( Some friend, he)
Feeling good. With that comes the panicky, waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling. My life is a mess and I have many storms to weather. I MUST work on my plan.
I'm so glad I'm not alone in this.
Bluedog, we were talking about this at the meeting tonight and with my sponsor. Us addicts seem to have addict brains. Sometimes we crave alcohol sometimes we crave something to replace that high, or buzz, that we get from other addictive behaviours, like, drugs, gambling, sex, relationships, collecting pogs or pez dispensers or whatever else you could think of. In the absence of one we seek to replace that void with another. I am cycling through this like crazy. Food, cigarettes, exercise, fantasizing about gambling, running away and holing up in a hotel room for a night or two... My farewell party to alcohol involved me, a cheap hotel room, a steak supper, a live band, much gambling and waaay too much winning, which paid for my hotel, my food, my booze soaked night, and had me walking away with money in my pocket. I was lucky to end my bender on not the most awful note and nobody was the wiser. Sometimes my mind goes there with a feeling of "ahhhh" but no real desire to actual be back in that place in reality. Anyhow, I think how us impulsive people have to work on being mindful in our moments, and making healthy habits part of our daily rituals so our AV has less space to occupy.
83mamaof2, have you tried AA? When you are at day 1, consider any and every option. There are so many good resources especially on here. If you get to AA try and get a sponsor and as many numbers as you can. Remember that you are the only one who can keep you sober or drinking- if you commit to being sober, you can find strength through your higher power and a supportive community. Read lots in the mean time. If you fall back, don't give up. Try to focus on staying sober for today. And one day at a time. Took me a long time before that sank in. If you have a smartphone, download the app called SoberTool. Much recommend. My weakest moments when I need help NOW I just open it up on my phone and I can read any message pertaining to however I am feeling and it says whatever I need to internalize at that moment. Just don't give up
Hope every one has a good night... and here's to a great Friday to all of us!
