Originally Posted by charliesworld

At work today but it's so quiet. I'm considering applying for an employed position which is something I never wanted to do. It would mean a regular income but I would be giving up so much freedom if I did that which I rely on when it comes to my kids. I just don't know how to find clients on my own and am not getting enough work to keep the family going. I'm embarrassed about how little I earn and it plagues me. I feel such a failure. I've even considered in the past that if I died the family would get my life insurance and that might be enough to set them up so they won't need to worry. How ridiculous is that? I know they would rather be poor and have me around but I find everything so difficult sometimes. I don't want to die I just want a break and to stop struggling. It would be amazing to do what other people do like eat out and take the kids out for the day somewhere without having to count the pennies. Oh and to be able to get the house fixed - it needs so much work doing to it.

Sorry to keep moaning on here but to everyone else everything is fine. The only person who knows what's going on is my partner and he is struggling as much as me, he feels so bad he can't find work.