Nic223 I really struggle sometimes with keeping up with all the family stuff. My boys are into quite a few things and they take up much of my free time. I rarely have a day when one of them doesn't have something on. Sometimes I feel resentful but it's better running round after them than sitting at home in front of the TV.
At work today but it's so quiet. I'm considering applying for an employed position which is something I never wanted to do. It would mean a regular income but I would be giving up so much freedom if I did that which I rely on when it comes to my kids. I just don't know how to find clients on my own and am not getting enough work to keep the family going. I'm embarrassed about how little I earn and it plagues me. I feel such a failure. I've even considered in the past that if I died the family would get my life insurance and that might be enough to set them up so they won't need to worry. How ridiculous is that? I know they would rather be poor and have me around but I find everything so difficult sometimes. I don't want to die I just want a break and to stop struggling. It would be amazing to do what other people do like eat out and take the kids out for the day somewhere without having to count the pennies. Oh and to be able to get the house fixed - it needs so much work doing to it.
Sorry to keep moaning on here but to everyone else everything is fine. The only person who knows what's going on is my partner and he is struggling as much as me, he feels so bad he can't find work.
It's good to hear some of you are rediscovering reading and studying. I was already an alcoholic when I was at university (15 years ago now!). How I got through it I don't know! I've just stock piled a few books hoping to get back into reading. Unfortunately I have just become addicted to the walking dead and am only just starting series 3 - got a good few more episodes before I catch up to the new series. I did the same last summer with Game of Thrones. Can't wait for that to come back on.