I really appreciate all the words of encouragement. Seriously means so much to me as I'm tearing up typing this. I hate what I have become and more so what I have been to my myself and family. The last few days I don't know where to start. The place I called rejected my insurance and there is no way I can afford any out of pocket costs. So on to the next plan. I'm not sure exactly what that is just yet. I've made contact with some of my old IOP friends for some type of support and meet up soon. Preferably sooner than later as I know they have their lives to lead as well. I contacted a few more places today trying to figure the next course of action. My wife made a good point...."you still haven't lost everything yet...I'm trying to do everything to prevent that you do" . Read those words...what a great woman! I can't believe some of the stuff I've put her through/my kids!!..my God! Some times I do just want die to stop feeling like this. Really...I can't do that to my family. Sigh..she told me "I wish I can take away all your pain" Who says that? A person who cares and loves me.
This addiction hates me. It wants me to give in and throw in the towel. I made the decision that I can't do that. The battle continues.