It sure has been a while, and not good!
So, I'm not sure where to begin or where I should begin, so here goes it. I completed IOP(Intensive Out Patient) care back in October. I felt strong. I was doing great. At the time I over 3 months sober. That was the longest without drinking in my drinking career. I call it a career because there is so much that goes into it. You're dedicated to it. You wake up and some mornings it feels like a job. Waking up to get a drink, then getting a drink for break time, drink for lunch time. Next thing ya know I've punched the clock for an 8 hr day. A few years later you promoted yourself to drinking every day. Lying about how to get out of this issue that came from drinking. How to get out of this DUI, how to make ends meet after losing a job. Wow next thing you know you're thinking of how to get your family back because of a bender that you can't remember. The cops knocking at your door because you were to loud and belligerent. Years and years in... you promoted yourself to a more hardcore drinker. The more drinks the more problems. What happens? You end up staying at this dead end job.
I have had a few job interviews at detox, jail, in bed with the shakes, but I never got the promotion to get out of this hell I've built for my life. It's crazy some of the things that you get yourself in and guess what you just keep sinking and sinking. Arrested numerous times because of drinking, costs me thousands and thousands of dollars to deal with situations.
My last bender...curious? Well I'm sure many it started because of an argument with my spouse. That led into yelling and finger pointing...your fault not my fault etc. Same ol song. This vicious cycle of feeling like crap, then depressed back to damn I can't wait to drink because of whatever reason. Sh*t is stupid and endless pit.
So what now??? Well I'll be doing one on one therapy with an addiction expert for 6-8 hours a week, just waiting on insurance to clear it. Just when you think you have it under control bam it just hits you out of nowhere. The things I've done are unspeakable and my wife just wants her husband back. The person that she married. I've turned into this pissed off demon that nobody wants to be around.
I'm done with my ranting for now. I so need to get my life back on track. Drinking sucks so much. This poison does nothing for anyone.
TTYL friends