It was a fun day. My brother and a couple family friends joined us for dinner, and we had some good laughs and great food. I struggled with an urge to restrict my food today, automatically resisting even tasting things until my real mind reminded me I need to eat them even if it's just for the sake of practicing going against that urge. I still ate light, so now I'm working on a sleeve of Ritz crackers. 500 calories right there.
I think what triggered it was checking my medical record earlier today for my test results and seeing the words "anorexia nervosa" prominently displayed. I'm a visual person, and seeing it in writing made it a new kind of real. I felt kind of horrified and ashamed of myself, and somehow that triggered me to do it more. Because that makes sense...no.
I hope I'm not being too much of a pain in the ass talking about this situation so much. It's just what I've got going on, but I realize I have a habit of writing novels about my personal issues, and the topic of weight and body image isn't everyone's favorite. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Please PM me if it bothers you, I totally understand.
Love you guys.