Patricia, I'm coming up on my AA anniversary. Almost 11 years ago I was doing things similar to what you're experiencing. I was panicking, my wife was throwing me out of the house, I was losing custody of my children, I couldn't focus on work so I walked away from my job, I kept freaking out and checked into a mental hospital for a few days, etc. etc. etc...........
I stopped drinking right away. I recommend you do detox safely, please go to a doctor or hospital and get help immediately. None of us can do this alone, we need support. It was a very bumpy rollercoaster ride for me but I'm still here and I thank God for the support of friends and any family that stood by my side.
You're going to be fine, but please reach out for support. And not just online support here on SR, which is great but face-to-face is even better and just might save your life. Staying clean and sober is a lot of work and it's exhausting so let other people help you and hold you up when you're too tired and frustrated to do it on your own.
Will it all be worth it? Absolutely, I wouldn't lie to you. I have a life that's fuller than I ever imagined, and it's wonderful. Every day I'm surrounded by people that love me and still hold their hands out when I feel like I'm failing and want to drink again.
Try this. Commit to not drinking and using benzos. You can do it, and in the process you'll find out who's willing to stand by your side, my guess is there will be more people than you imagined.