I drink to cope with social anxiety
Hello,
I am wondering if anyone else drinks for this reason? Drinking to cope with social anxiety means that I am drunk all day. Even during fitness classes! The main social situations in my life are college classes, extracurricular fitness classes like tennis and yoga, and occasionally going out on weekends with friends. I carry a plastic water bottle filled with vodka everywhere I go. No body knows the extent of my problem. I have been drinking like this for 3 to 4 years. I am 24 years old.
The 'positive' part of my drinking is that it makes me more social and outgoing so I have made friends and boyfriends, whereas in my previous sober life I never had those things. The negatives of my drinking is that I now have to be secretly drunk around these people every time I see them (if they call me I'll actually ignore it, get drunk then call them back), my health is deteriorating, I have no direction in life, failing classes, and my anxiety and depression is getting worse. I am currently going through withdrawal from a heavy night of drinking last night, and I'm noticing withdrawal symptoms getting worse and more common in recent months. You could say I'm a 'functioning' alcoholic on the outside but on the inside I'm a very hurt, insecure and anxious person with many issues. I know most of them are caused by drinking and that the only way to improve my life is to stop.
But how do I face social situations sober? I can't even imagine going to class without drinking! I even drink when I go get my car serviced or anywhere where I know there will be prolonged talking. I get drunk to ease embarrassing situations like walking in late to class, I especially drink around people I'm intimidated by or that I find attractive. I am so insecure that I want to come across as a fun loving talkative person at any cost. Without alcohol I am extremely shy and awkward. My friends have no idea that I'm drunk when I'm with them, they have in fact never seen me sober. I feel like it is harder to be sober when drinking is caused by social situations because my triggers are everywhere, including places I can't avoid (like school).