And yes, I know you weren't recommending being mean. That's the trouble see ....... I've felt such pain (as we all have, having been bad drinkers), we are all loathe to make a situation happen that would give rise to pain for anyone else.
It does feel a bit Hobbesian though, when you feel like you have to 'fight' for your patch of space (head space or otherwise), so to speak....
Just... needed...some... goddam...breathing room..... so I could think and then articulate!