I'm going to be taking a break from here for a little while, as I don't deserve to be posting here right now..
Truth is, I haven't been sober since around christmas time. I've lied to people here with my daily check-ins, I've lied to my partner, my family and friends. Covered it up well (to start with) and my partner only found out on Sunday (found an empty bottle of wine I'd forgotten to get rid of). I have managed to keep amounts down to much less than when I drank before, but I can see it's just a matter of time.
Ashamed, humiliated, angry with myself and desperately sorry.
Will be back on track very soon with a more robust plan. I didn't drink today. Will see how tomorrow goes.