Hi Undies,
Amp, I have soooo been there and done that. The difference for my doing it now, in active "recovery" vs in active "addiction", is the filtering system that any addiction must pass through in order for it to gain any sort of foothold with me. Sustained sobriety in an active recovery program has offered a clarity of thought.
My sugar addiction hit new heights when I lost my driver's license for 6 months a while ago. Yet, I knew what was happening. It was simply my addictive behavior wanting its own way at a base level....with the REAL meaning a bit hidden.
For me, moderation in any aspect of life will always present challenges. It could be just cleaning my house, writing a presentation, golfing, sex, a netflix series...a netflix series with sex
...point is, if I get started, I want to finish the whole thing.
My addictive behavior also has the nothing aspect as well as the all. If I don't get started - I can procrastinate and let the inaction fester.
Today, I easily recognize when I am in an all or nothing and I use my emotional sobriety tools that I am working hard at gaining to reset my thoughts and actions. It can be as easy as saying out loud, "Yes, there it is - time to restart my day." Just like the fact that I never have to drink and feel like I did with alcohol again - I don't have to eat that whole bag of M&M with peanuts. I have the tools to stop myself.
I've also come to realize that it has little to do with the actual event, and, much more to do with a transfer of some other fear, self-centeredness or ego driven event.
Bottom line, if I don't correct it, ACTIVE addiction wins and I am closer to a drink that I am further away. For me, this disease has no cure, only a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition...not religion, but a spiritual condition.
Gotta dash...enjoy the day and new week, Undies.
Carlos