These emails each represented an interruption, too, in what I was doing. I'm not a good multi-tasker--I can do one thing at a time, and do it well, but when I'm being bombarded with interruptions (many of which call for a response), it throws me off.
I was just thinking, this morning, though, that I was happy with how things worked out toward the very end. It turned out that somehow this person believed she was in CHARGE of this whole project (she works for a different agency), while I perceived it as more of a shared product. We went back and forth on that for a bit, and I had typed one email spelling out in excruciating detail how I felt about all this--not from an emotional standpoint, but a professional one.
And I didn't send it. Yup, I dropped the rope. So at least the last few days were spent on substantive discussions and not the "but you said, so I thought" discussions. I let her have the last word.
I am utterly convinced that if I had sent that email (and it wasn't nasty, and it was absolutely honest), it would have prolonged the agony.
Another thing (I've done a few things right lately) is that I looped in my Dad's financial advisor (who lives out of state) to help with his accounting/bill paying problems. I'd found a couple of nearby accounting firms that also offer "elder care" services for exactly that purpose. Well, financial advisor emailed me with a recommendation about an accountant who could do his taxes but didn't offer that kind of service. I know my dad--if he already knows/trusts someone (e.g., someone who has done his taxes), he will be much more likely to be comfortable having them help with the bills.
At one time I would have felt compelled to use her guy just because she went to the trouble of finding him. Instead, I thanked her and told her I wanted to talk with a couple of other firms first.
Every so often I notice that I actually AM continuing to grow and to be able to focus on what's best for me rather than pretending everything's OK, deferring to someone else's judgement, or needing to get the last word in so people will agree with me. I'd made huge improvements in that sort of thing already, but as overwhelming and exhausting this past few weeks have been, I'm mostly pleased with how I managed them.