Sunflower, I too wish I could instantaneously recall the miseries of drinking when the AV kicks into high gear. Ugh!
Even though it has been a very long time (my children are 26 and 27 now), I do remember the feelings you have described; wishing for time alone, and then feeling guilty about it. I really felt as though I wasn’t cut out for parenthood. When I was home with my kids, I wished for escape, but when I was at work, I felt guilty and wished I could be home with my kids. The good news is that we all perform better at various stages of childrearing, I did much better when they grew out of the crying, tantrum, running amuck stage! Hang in there, as with sobriety, your parenting skills are still maturing and before you know it, you will be a pro! I often reflect back, wishing I could relive those years knowing what I know today.
Thank you for posting today, Lulu, we are somewhat in the same boat. As Sunflower mentioned in her an earlier post about longing for someone to go to AA with her, I feel the same way, about church and AA!
I too left a good paying job last October, but I have to admit, even though I was actively drinking then, the job had a lot to do with that. I had managed 8 months of sobriety in ’14, but the toxic environment of the job really got to me, so many type A personalities in a small office was overwhelming my introverted nature and I couldn’t handle it any longer.
Good luck on the interviews, hopefully the right job will be just around the corner!
Loopylou, don’t let your AV fool you! That sober hangover is a sign of healing, your body is in the process of eliminating toxins and your brain is still in early recovery. Hang in there and you’ll be amazed at how much better you are going to feel tomorrow! Congratulations on 3 weeks!