I hope this can help anyone who reads it...
I was in a relationship with an alcoholic for over 2 years. When we met I was a very naive, happy and free-spirited 22 year old. He only drank at social events, but always a little too much. I became the worst kind of enabler without ever knowing. I dragged him to safety too many times, I cared for him and dried his tears the next day when all the guilt set in while holding back my own. My feelings and my pain always took the backseat... and after 2 years of this I cannot even begin to put into words how broken I am. There were so many times I wanted to run away and never look back, but he threatened to hurt himself and I'd stay just to make sure he was safe. The next day he would do all he could to try and make it up to me. He eventually became verbally abusive and I finally drew the line when in one incident I feared for my life. When he was sober, we had amazing chemisty, he was sweet and loving, so funny and charismatic, smart and thoughtful... A complete 360 of who he became when alcohol was around. He blamed me for his drinking, blamed everyone and anything but himself. I offered him a way out time and time again... Counseling, AA... He chose not to change, not to fight... and even today as I walk away, I lay here almost every night and cry a little over the things I cannot change and the irrational guilt I feel.
Move on. You are strong. An alcoholic will not change until he wants to change. You are not helping him in any way by being kind or taking care of him. You are only showing him his behavior is okay. He has nothing to worry about because you will always be there... And little by little, you will start to become a shell of the person you once were. We cannot fix everyone and that is something we must accept. You can only control how you choose to live your life. My heart goes out to anyone going through this. Choose to love yourself.