Day 34
Just finished the Blackout book as well and it really resonated with me although I am a male and many of her insights weren't exactly gender neutral. However, so many of the things were similar:
-started drinking way too early in life;
-first time drunk was in 6th grade;
-every weekend in high school was spent drunk;
-college was even worse - more like 50% of the time. Thing was this never seemed abnormal to me as birds of a feather were certainly flocking together. And we were the athletes at school - I still don't know how I did it and managed to perform.
-her descriptions of blackouts were of particular note; I always have to poke around the edges of the previous evenings to figure out exactly how bad I was;
My overriding symptom and what probably affected me the most was the guilt. It was strong and constant. The single greatest benefit of the last 34 days has been a clear conscience. It makes every single aspect of my life easier, and this benefit has outweighed the negatives of no longer drinking of which there are some if I am being honest. I miss it and like the author I still yearn to be able to drink like "normal people". However, as each day passes and I get more and more comfortable in my own skin again I find myself more emboldened to make this forever.
I am so impressed by how many people are battling so hard here and I know how hard it is. But even after 34 days I can say it is infinitely easier today than it was 4 weeks ago and my hope is that this curve continues. I have never read, exercised or engaged more with others. My work has improved, my health is significantly better, my conscience clear. Maybe this will be forever, but right now is good, and for now that is good enough to keep it going.