Originally Posted by Briar

I hope everything went well V!

Tough day over here, but making the right choices I think. The past couple days I restricted my calories which resulted in a couple massive binges. Today my stomach hurt so terribly at work that I could hardly breathe, so I apologized for missing this afternoon's staff meeting and came home. I researched bingeing during anorexia recovery and learned that this is all a normal part of the process. I kinda knew that, but the experience is so much more intense than I expected. I guess I thought my body would only demand food like this until I got back into the clinically healthy range, but in fact it will continue until I reach my natural set point. I have to pay attention to my body and eat exactly as it tells me. That's very hard for a bull-headed control freak! Especially since I've worked so hard to control my body, it's hard to abruptly do the opposite. But I understand that I can't restrict anymore (can't even skip a snack) because my body is too sensitive right now. I also realize that have to eat a lot of food, more than my poor digestive system is conditioned for, hence the blinding stomachache. At times anorexia recovery seems more uncomfortable than actual anorexia.

So now I'm home resting and eating and letting my body heal. And I've taken off my Fitbit. I think I need to connect with how my body really feels instead of relying on my phone to tell me how it's supposed to feel.

I'm staying close to SR because recovery is recovery, and I'm fighting the same voice telling me to engage in this dangerous addictive behavior. It's the AV. In eating disorder recovery, it's called Ed (E.D. for eating disorder), and they use the same strategy as AVRT. It's the same voice saying the same old crap, just in a different language.

Anyway, things are getting better, and I'm proud of the work I'm doing to get into recovery. I think I'm having more recovery days than addiction days at this point. I'm grateful for that!

Love to all!