You have every right to be upset with his behavior. Its hard to say if he is actually addicted from what you wrote or if he is a recreational user who indulges at times. What you described being sleepy aligns more with alcohol being the cause and not cocaine from my knowledge. Cocaine usually makes one more active ans excited and of course there is a crash but an addicted person will usually follow it with more to stop the effect. But read about it from some professional sources, your best bet.
Regardless, his using drugs (including too much alcohol) are a problem for you and this is all that really matters.
It makes sense he would take money, lie, try to cover it regardless if its addiction or just behavior he knows you wont approve of.
Ultimatums often make people angry, shut down, do the defensive thing. Unles your ready to follow up on an ultimatum Id be careful.
I would clearly express what you feel, the worries you have over all of it. Then the ball is in his court.
Be careful not to drive yourself crazy checking and doubting everything. Maybe create a bank account for yourself and you will have security this way? Overall, his behavior wil catch him up if he keeps using or drinking too much.
Id have some Plan B ideas in place if you need to enforce your utimatum.
Originally Posted by
Alizgui83 
Hello everyone. I am new to this site and I am concerned for my marriage. Last June my husband and I got engaged and were married in September. In July his sister seemed concerned for me and my son (from a previous marriage). She confessed to me that her brother had a cocaine addiction. I brought it to his attention and he denied he had an addiction that yes has done it in the past as a recreational drug. I told him that if he wanted to move forward with a life with me he'd have to never use again. He promised. I am and was so much more naive then thinking that that's how easy it was going to just stop. We got married in September. We have joint banking accounts where all of our money goes. Everything including his behavior has been fine since September. Then all of a sudden last Friday I called him when I got off of work and realized that he was not himself. He seemed drunk. I asked him if he was drinking and he said he had a couple (which his drinking and lack of knowing when to stop when he does drink is another problem). I got home and realized he was being weird, super tired and ready to sleep like at 6pm. His eyes seemed like he was high on marijuana. It confused me because I have read that cocaine makes you more alert and I also thought he wasn't using anymore. For some reason I had this feeling to check his phone and there in front of my face was a text to his dealer. He picked up cocaine at 8am from his dealer when he was supposed to be at work. So at 2am I decided to wake him up and address the issue. He confessed that he had used early in the morning and that when he got off of work he had some drinks and that he also said that he was sorry and that it'll never happen again. He had taken the money from our savings, which in my eyes, is so pathetic to steal from your own family for your own selfish needs. The following day I decided to look at our finances closer and realized he's been withdrawing certain amounts ($40, $100 etc.) since mid December. I brought that to his attention and I told him that I have a lot to lose with his behavior. My son could be taken from me if his dad finds out. I am currently pregnant. I told him that I do not want a life like this where your partner lies to you. Where your cravings are more important than the well being of your family. I told him if he uses one more time I will be forced to leave him. He was making cash advances on our credit card to offset the amounts of money he was withdrawing from our savings. Now I feel so sad and disappointed. I had got to the point where I felt I could trust him and here we are again. He tells me he doesn't have a problem but in one month he's taken out $300 for this crap. He said that part of it wasn't cocaine but edibles. I told him regardless (not that I believe him) he was stealing and lying from us. I told him that I love him and I want us to be the best that we can be for us and for our kids. That I am giving him this chance but it is so exhausting and being 6 months pregnant I am no shape or have the patience to deal with this. I am tired and now I don't even want to go home. I don't want to see him. I am so disappointed in him. In my eyes he is a loser. I don't and have never even tried drugs. They don't appeal to me. My kids, my family, my career and my success for my families sake is what drives me. The high I get when I've accomplished things are what I look forward to. Bettering our lives. I don't need drugs. It is so hard for me to understand him. How can I deal with this? Am I doing more harm than good by giving him an ultimatum? He says he realized that using is not worth losing his family. That it'll never happen again. Is that something I can trust? Sorry so long. Any responses help.