Liveitwell

So my ex messages me and tells me the reason he didn't call all last week was bc he was in the hospital with pneumonia for four days (if y'all don't recall last month it was a seizure that put him in ICU and before that it wS a car wreck-it's always sonething). I say supposedly bc God only knows, literally, what's the truth at this point-he's told so many lies that I can't keep up and don't care to! But, if true, that's awful and I don't wish anything bad to happen to him.

So, fast forward to this morning waking up from a dream where I recalled after my ex was put into ICU about five years ago bc of a very rare heart issue....of course the doctor told me he should stop drinking (told him too!) but all I got was literally cursed out by his mother bc in her words "you put my boy into ICU-you stress him out too much and make him unhappy", etc, etc. Yep! My fault! So, I woke up thinking that with her logic that now SHE is to blame for her sons deteriorating health bc he lives with her. Right?! No, I'm sure it's still somehow my fault too!

Sad, but not true. Her twisted and sick head blamed me for anything with her "boy" and even told me it was my fault her son treated me the way he did. Lovely!! My psychoanalysis sees that she deep down thinks she caused her husband to abuse her so projects that into me as well and that she is a failure bc she couldn't get her husband to stop drinking. Yikes. I recall feeling that too-that I was to blame for my husbands abuse-that I made him great me that way-so wished she would have joined me at AlAnon bc none of that was her fault. Oh well.

All this to say, thank GOD I don't have to deal with that any more!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was sick and twisted beyond belief and I honestly don't know how I survived for so long.

God keeps sending me lovely reminders....ever so grateful for those!