Old 01-14-2016, 07:45 AM
  # 134 (permalink)  
Thumpalumpacus
Alive in the Superunknown
 
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by strugglingJim View Post
day 10, not a good day, stayed home, anxiety and depression spiraling. Regret, embarrassment, self loathing. making another appointment with therapist and then doc for some meds (as little as possible). See if I can drag myself to my first meeting, going to be tough though.
Confront your regrets so that you can change what it is you did that led you there. It sounds like you're being unsparing in your self-analysis, which is good, but it's important to remember that the past is the past and cannot be changed, and the future is the future and is liable to inaccurate projection. You can only manage the now.

Self-loathing is something I went through about a month ago, once I took stock of why my lover refused to promise anything to me at all, why she refused me any offer of hope, and it came home to me just how crappy I'd been to her. But, and this is a big but, that can be turned to our advantage, because when we look back on our own actions with that disgust at who we were, we can decide that we will never be that person again. Although self-loathing is a corrosive emotion, if you're already feeling it, take that feeling and use it to strengthen your resolve to never be that person again.

And go to that meeting, brotha. It's scary at first, and you should get ready for an emotional moment or two, but you need to know -- you are not alone.

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