That sounds like a really demanding program. For one thing, I have never been in any groups that recommended dressing a certain way. Just my opinion, but your home group sounds very intense .
My experience has been more with Nar-anon, although I have since moved to an area that just has Al-anon. My Nar-anon sponsor asked me to call her daily, we usually met on Saturday mornings for coffee and step work, and I attended a weekly meeting. We both had busy lives and sometimes we had to vary this schedule. There was an NA meeting going on at the same time and in the same building as our Nar-anon meetings but the groups were not affiliated.
You mention that you've heard rumors in other meetings about your home group being cult like. Is there someone in one of those other meetings that you could talk to further about this?