Thanks so much everyone. I'm glad to read the clarification that acknowledges not nullifying feelings.
The visit itself went smoothly and am thankful you were OK with me using it as an example of handling things, and the issue of boundary setting.
Incidentally I think I got more anxious about the is it than I needed to and they certainly don't bully my son, which is great. When they acted up, I detached from it and would pick up a book and let my friend deal with it herself. I wasn't going to give audience to the naughty ones! Which might be what they're after anyway.
So - 1) thanks for clarifying about feelings and emotions, not nullifying them, but being able to take pause before acting on them so to speak. I think having that ability is valuable because if you are looking to minimise anxiety, responding appropriately is a good start. responding when in the grip of the amygdala - probably not such a great stress-reducing cause to set in train.
2) Thanks for reading this I hope it didn't sound like a petty whine.
Onwards and upwards and sober 13 days.
Many thanks,
Kuebiko.