Thank you lovehoops. You are right. And I should know better. My parents had everything planned. They discussed it for years. Two months after they retired my mom was diagnosed with cancer, she died a year later. That's why I don't even want to mention the word retirement with my husband. It terrifies me. I am much happier when I only focus on "here and now". although the present is not really a happy place...
I'll try to follow your advice. I'll try to feel better today...