Hi Patricia,
Sorry you're having a hard time. As others have said, if you can stay focused on staying sober then you'll be amazed how much else will fall in place for you.
My self esteem has improved, I'm more confident and far less anxious. I still get depressed but I'm working on that.
The bottom line is (for me anyway), I'm more hopeful than I've been for years. Drinking is a killer of hope whereas sobriety gently nurtures and cares for it.
Sobriety is a gift you can give yourself again and again and again. You have absolute control on how many days you choose to receive it.