Grizzly, I think it's good you're getting your thoughts out here. It sounds like a big change for you, even though you've had time to prepare, and it's understandable that you're emotional. Keep posting here when you need to - I have confidence that you can handle this!
Your story of your son's swim meet brought back a memory for me. A few years ago (not sure of the year, I have been struggling with binge wine drinking since about late 2007 when I was separated from my ex and broke up with boyfriend) so it was some year around 2010-2011 or so. I had bought tickets to take my son to see Thomas the Tank Engine at the local railroad. It's a big event and draws lots of people. So we got tickets for early Saturday morning when Thomas was in town.
The night before I drank heavily. I daresay my drinking was even worse back then - I had little control over how much I drank and certainly didn't plan my binges around what I was doing the next day and just drank with reckless abandon. So I was massively hungover that day, but still woke up and got my son ready for the event. We drove about an hour to get there and I felt awful.
One of the first things you do when you get to this event is to ride on "Thomas". Thomas is actually pulling some passenger cars, so you're really riding on regular train cars that Thomas is pulling. Okay, kids like to use their imagination
So we boarded the train and got ready for the ride. As we rode on Thomas I started to feel sicker and sicker. The train car was clang-clanging back and forth and my stomach was really getting worse with each clang. I looked around and saw all the happy families all chipper and healthy with their happy kids. And there I was, sick, sad and divorced with my son feeling like I was so far on the fringe of society. The ride was only about 20 minutes, but I was feeling like I wasn't going to make it without throwing up. I kept saying to myself, "Please let me make it through this ride." I just barely made it - as the train pulled up to the station, I grabbed my son's hand and said, "Come with me quickly." I didn't even make it to a bathroom. I just found the most private space I could find (which was still out in public) and proceeded to vomit on the ground, over and over. Talk about a low. That memory really sticks out in my mind.
I have other stories like that, but this one came to mind tonight. Grizzly, I hadn't heard your stories before - I'm glad you shared them.