Cute pic, Snoozy. Are you at your friend's? How's it going?
Croissant, thank you so much for your compassion and insight. I know you get lonely too and it seems unfair. We're good people. I can't stop crying this morning. I couldn't get out of bed to go to the gym. I know my brother thinks less of me because I gave up work, and I still question my decision, especially now. I just feel bloody useless, wasting my education. But I don't think I would be fit for it. I don't know. I was drinking heavily after Larry died, and I think I would not have done well for patients. Now I'm sober, it's too late, and maybe it still would not be a good fit because of my mood disorder. It was hard to hear my bro and sis talking about work. He's a doc, she's a vet and I know my brother respects her be cause she a professional. Yes, she drinks too much and I think she worries about it. I know it can't help her anxiety. My bro drinks too much but seems to function well, they both do. It was funny, neither of them asked me about giving up alcohol. I'd been prepared for some questioning, but not a word. Sorry for the ramble. I'd just like to be less lonely to feel like less of a waste of space.
I went to my intro acting class, but I felt shy, the others talked up acting and directing and seem so confident. Mark, my scene partner was friendly, so that was nice. We will begin our scene next week.
I guess this too is the first time I've come home from a family visit where I didn't rush to drink away my sorrow. But feeling feelings is ok, I guess. It will pass.
Croissant, you're right, my brother is a complete narcissist and his wife panders to his every need. He was quite rude to her a couple of times in company. Yet, I crave to hear one word of praise or interest in me. It's hard to accept it will never happen. I keep beating myself up about work. It would be much easier for me financially if I was working. There I go again! Sorry. I hope I will settle down soon.
Tiki's home and happily flying about and mooching off my breakfast.
Thanks folks.