Hi there, I'm looking for some third party guidance on my experience in my AlAnon home group. A little background first: I'm about 7mo. into the program and truly believe the tools have saved (and will continue to save) my butt and my life. I believe in the program and the steps and appreciate the world-wide fellowship 100%. My qualifier is my boyfriend who I've been dating for nearly 5 years and his drinking bothers me. He does not identify himself as alcoholic.
My situation is this. I attended my first AlAnon meeting, as stated, about 7 mo. ago. At this meeting, I met a woman around my age who I felt I could relate to. We began getting coffee before meetings and I asked her to be my sponsor within a month of attending. Once I asked her to be my sponsor, she invited me to what she called her "home group" meeting. This was at a dedicated "hall" with a podium and about 90 women. All the women there were sponsees/newcomers brought in by someone else. This "home group" meeting has a corresponding AA meeting where many (most) of the AlAnon ladies husband's attend. Ok cool, that makes sense to build unity and such. However the longer I've been involved with this group, and my sponsor, I've heard rumors in other meetings of this home group being a "cult" of AlAnon and has in reality been de-listed within our Intergroup directory. There is a STRONG line of sponsorship running from the AlAnon group "leader" I suppose you could call her; She's a long timer with almost 40 years of recovery. Her husband is what you would call the "leader" of the AA group as well.
More specifically, I'm questioning if maybe this is just how AlAnon works and I'm just being stubborn. I feel a bond with many of the ladies in the group, and I care about my sponsor and I know she cares about me. But sometimes I feel... obligated to attend 3+ meetings a week, take on commitments at every meeting, wear a dress, only talk recovery, and follow my sponsors lead to live with other ladies in program. i've also considered leaving my boyfriend that brought me to program, not out of anger but just thoughts for future plans as my lease is up in a few months, however she does not encourage me to live with a parent for a few months and not to move out of the area so as to keep attending these "home group" meetings. She says is important to be consistent. Like I said, I want to work my program the best I can. But there's some parts of me that worries I am already a people pleaser and can easily sucked in to a more intense version of this program that I had no intention of doing. I want to learn to be more happy, joyous, and free in my life not just in my program, and I often feel my time with my friends and family is limited due to the frequency of my meeting schedule (as recommended by my sponsor): 3 nights per week plus 8am-10pm on Saturday. I'm not told Saturday is mandatory, but I am definitely praised and told I'm "going where the love is" when I stay all day on Saturday.
Please help with any honest feedback you can provide, I'm honestly open to being told this is just the deal and to get used to it. I just have a weird feeling in my gut that this is a little bit controlling for what i expected AlAnon to be like. I've also been told so many times that my "best thinking got me here" so I have trouble really seeing this from an outside perspective. and trusting my intuition.
As a sidenote, I have read a few articles online stating my "home group", in addition to a few others in my local area, have been claimed to have cult-like qualities and characteristics not approved by AlAnon WSO (i.e. one great grand sponsor "lineage" with lots of commitments and traditions/rules), although I don't know if maybe these were written by prior members with a resentment (which is what I've been told from my sponsor).
Any feedback is very appreciated, thank you!
