Joining
Hello All! I am ending my 3rd day of sobriety. It has been three years since I have strung together this many sober days. In the past 12 years, I have been sober a few days here and a few days there. My longest stretches were for 9 months at a time. For the past two years, I have drank 7-8 beers nightly, every night. I feel I drink to escape from the past, to escape from stress, to escape my anxiety and worries, and to escape from life in general. Of course, we can run but we can not hide. In the morning, my problems are there to greet me once again, and I added bigger problems to them. I have to repeat the drinking again the next night. A vicious cycle of trying to escape instead of learn to cope.
This past month, I turned 40. This was a big deal to me, when I sat down and looked at my life. Even though I was "functioning", I felt like crap most of the time. Too young to feel this old....and my lifestyle was to blame. Even though I devised ways to lessen my hangovers (don't exceed X number of drinks, eat before bed, get at least 8 hrs of sleep...) I knew I was still killing myself with this behavior, and did not feel the best that I could or function as effectively. I was also missing out on so much of my kids' lives with this nightly drinking. In addition, looking back at those 40 years, I realized most of the past mistakes I wanted to escape from was a direct result of poor decision making when drinking. The very thing I use to escape is the very thing that is causing all my problems.
Three days in, my main withdrawal symptoms have been that voice constantly giving me excuses to drink (it is the loudest between 5 and 8 pm when I typically would pop that first beer), headaches, and pounding heart/anxiety. I have been sleeping good....maybe too much.
So, here I am. Ready to cope and stop hiding. Ready to take this journey with all you other January classmates!