Originally Posted by
ItsViolet 
I'm so tempted to "call in sick" to Christmas tomorrow. At the risk of sounding whiny, I don't want to see any family. Thanksgiving was a nightmare and I'm craving personal space. This has been on my mind all day and I got kind of emotional. I feel obligated to go see them but I'm also feeling like I'm not in a good space.
This is the side of the family that I didn't grow up with and they were never really around. What happened to me when I was a kid is irrelevant to them...they make excuses why they weren't responsible, but as an adult they guilt trip me if I don't act like I'm one of their tribe, and act as if everything's normal.
I don't want to just have a pity party; I want to improve my own life. I'm not sure exactly why I'm compelled to cut them out of it.
When I don't feel like I fit in and I don't feel like making an effort to fit in or I consider that such an effort would not be good for me then I try, wherever possible to cut them out. I see nothing wrong with that personally.
Situations where I feel I want to make some sort of effort would be say work or a new sports team.
But there is always a cost benefit analysis (of sorts) whether I'm conscious of it or not. The emotional pain of fitting in with some of my family, extended family or family in law is usually more than the benefit!
What I don't do is people please or seek approval. I'm happy with who I am and I don't need another's validation. the only person with whom I need to fit in with is me :-)
Also, I've finally found a balance that works for me with family of origin at least but initially this involved cutting them out - my pendulum swing was a long to start with, but it's settled down now.
I never said to my family I cut you out, I was just "busy" but I did cut them out. Slowly I uncut them at my own pace and only so much as I was willing.
I got my boundaries in place (after first learning what the hell boundaries were :-)) and hey presto I work within them and I'm happy with that.
Take it easy...