Dallow, maybe you should try counseling or face to face meetings. Anything to help you get through this. People like us can't become normal drinkers. I forget who said this, but someone in our group said that we don't actually want to be normal drinkers, we want to be able to drink like we have been drinking, but without the consequences. That's so true!
One or two drinks to me is not satisfying at all. If anything, it just makes me annoyed that I'm not having more. Even in my earliest days of drinking, I didn't understand why people just had one or two. Why drink if you're not getting drunk?
I think a major step in our recovery is surrendering to the fact that we cannot be normal drinkers. I was stuck in that cycle for much too long. I'd drink too much, make a fool of myself, then quit for awhile, and then go back to trying to drink normally. It didn't work.
When someone offers my dad, who has been sober for about 27 years, something with alcohol in it, he always says ,"I don't think you have nearly enough for what I'd need."
I think once you surrender and do everything you can to protect your sobriety, you can truly start to recover. At this point, with 65 days under my belt, I would not want to ruin that to have 1 or 2 glasses. That wouldn't satisfy me, and I know it! You will always want more and need more.
Anyway, thanks for coming back here. You're among people who understand. We're here for you!
