Hi Undies
I hope everyone had happy, peaceful holidays. I hosted Christmas Eve. Much to my surprise the couple bottles of wine we bought went untouched! I sent my SIL home with half the leftovers and an unopened bottle of red (my former DOC). It just doesn't make sense for me to keep my former DOC in my house.
Holidays can be emotionally fraught for me. Growing up, and well into my adulthood, my step mother would start fights and emotionally blackmail us over the holidays.
On my mom's side, there were aunts and uncles who my mom felt we had to spend time with to avoid being the subject of their gossip.
Today I have the clarity to see how these patterns played into my unrealistic expectations of the holidays as an adult. I am used to big emotions, and alcohol sure fueled that, so when I had my first holiday sober, it seemed flat, like a certain emotional frenzy was missing. Nope, just craziness!!
This year I just ignored my mom and stepmothers attempts to drag me in to their drama. It's was a simple plan, easy to execute, and it worked. The 12 steps have given me clarity I never had to see the emotional games others are playing, and the tools to calmly avoid them.
Overall it was a lovely day. My favorite gifts were handmade cards from each of my kids that they made while they had a sleepover with each other last weekend. Over my next few days off I'm organizing the house and doing some fun activities with the kids.
I owe my satisfaction with the moment to sobriety. It's bringing true peace, serenity, and joy this holiday season.