Thank you for this post. I see now that am in much the same way. My mom was seriously mentally ill, yet most of the time her illness went untreated. My dad tried to ...I don't know, shield her and us kids from her reality, keep her in line with brute force, not sure exactly. He basically tried to contain the chaos of her illness. He was in denial. He was also a severe alcoholic. And then mom started to drink too!
Here I am years later, married to a man with serious rage issues, a drug problem, and likely depression, he won't see a mental health professional. So I've been trying to keep things going, I guess I've been in denial too. I turned into my Dad! Thankfully, I live without the alcoholism, but I've found myself turning to things to "numb out." Thank you for shining a light on this.