Hi, all. Cindy, every one of those tendencies apply to my parents. I was told a long time ago by a therapist that they were very likely narcissists. Unfortunately, that fostered a lot of codependent tendencies in myself that now in my mid-forties, I am only starting to untangle. I think your kids have an advantage in that they have you in their life to validate that what he does is wrong and sick. As we all know, you cannot change somebody else, but you can change yourself. My middle son has a lot of "people pleasing" tendencies that I am working very hard to get him to recognize and change at an earlier age than me as I am at still working on this problem.
We, too, are staying around for Christmas. My parents are coming to my house which just feels better. They will be sleeping at a hotel, which they prefer. Last year, when we went to their house it was a major fiasco as my mom was in one of her worst drunks. I am not going to lie, I am feeling a little PTSD this year and it has taken me longer to get into the "spirit", but that is okay. I have been working on self nurturance and hope to continue that into the new year.
My best to you all!!! xo