Going NC with alcoholic mother
Hi everyone.
Just wanted to share my story
My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as i have ever known. Our lives were often chaotic growing up as i am sure you can relate.
The oast year has been particularly hard going having lost our beloved aunty and our dad within 6-7 months of each other.
Mum fell out with me the day aunty died; we put it behind us, she blamed me, i did all i could to be good enough etc.
She then behaved terribly the night dad died. I had asked her to stop drinking in my home - this was a boundary we had established earlier- anyway, she said terrible things, i chucked her out of the house and it was all pretty stressful. At that point i decided to limit contact, however she always hoovers me back in. Guilt and emotional blackmail feature heavily and then i just allow her to continue to let us down and endure abuse from this woman. Things seem ok for a bit then of course they aren't.
Anyway fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. She didnt show up to my little boys birthday party. Then appeared late at my home, no apology, no explanation, just demabds for cups of tea and being rude. I was angry but decided she wasnt ruining this day so got on with things with kids etc, house was full of people etc and there was no need to hsve a scene.
That night she rings my wee sister who i am very close to snd leaves abusive messages saying she cant stand us, we were awful to our aunty, shes ashamed of us blahblahblah. She also texts all this out of the blue too.
This is nowhere near the worst she has ever done. However, i think after a year of "putting life in perspective" type events and coming out the other side, i realise that i need to stop allowing her to hurt me. I need to heal the damaged adult i have become. I have accepted she will never get better or love me. She doesnt and never has loved me and my sister. I have my own wee family and loving husband. I miss my dad so much. He did love us. It feels esp hard before xmas.
So i have decided nc is the only solution to let myself recover.
Emotional blackmail from her and grandparents has started. But i expected that. Ive blocked her from my phone, email, facebook et etc. Its quite liberating.
I am very worried about xmas tho,
We alk go to my grans and she will be there. I dont want to give her any indication at all that she can come bsck into my life. Ive not got her a gift and wont accept one but if she does get us a gift it will be the first in many many years.
Not going to grandparents is not really an option, it would break their heart and they have been through so much this year.
Im very worried about her spoiling yet another day for us. It will be a hard day anyway as will be the first without dad. I also plan to not clap eyes on her ever again. So it will be odd.
Has anyone here gone nc that can share their experiences? I knlw this is what i need to do for me.