Man Johnny...
You've come a long way buddy.
And yeah...I often think about all I've lost over the past few years. A little different than yours, but the thoughts are depressing. I have to make myself think of something else. Obviously the best to think about is now or the future. I have so much to be thankful for. I recognize and give myself the well due credit of what I've done to fix myself. I think that if I can do what I did, then I can do more.
That negative self talk to thinking of depressing issues from the past so no good whatsoever. I know you know that. It's more for my own good to type that out. I've gotten really good at quickly changing my thoughts and paying attention to my self talk when needed. Practice, practice, practice. The more I force myself to change, the more it happen automatically.