((Everyone))
Glee, I am learning to just "be" that helps me live in the moment. Apparently I have been a major codependent person and scared to death of abandonment. I was left a lot by both my natural parents when I was young and apparently I'm still carrying that around. I have to block out negative talk that happens in my head. Tell it to play nice. Do affirmations to myself. I have to tell myself that just because my husband has plans to do something without me that doesn't mean anything bad. I tell myself everything's okay, it's not the end of the world. I still try to go there, to the black hole. I am not allowing it anymore. I tell myself I'm okay...I don't care...everything's fine...nobody's leaving...everyone loves you... Things like this. I'm detaching with love. I love to be around him all the time but I used to be okay when he wasn't and I for some reason fall apart now. Like I'm trying to use him in place of the alcohol. It's not right. I'm getting better at it. It's one more thing I have to re-learn. Not easy but will be worth it. Do I sound like a crazy person?