Last day of term thank god...am exhausted and worn out, sad and lonely. .. all I wanted to do all day is drink... I got give loads of booze, everyone was drinking after work... I went to the pub a nd had lime and soda... score (dressed as and elf still )....
My husband asked me to buy wine... so I did and planned on drinking too. But I just watched to see how it made him... not much difference ... so I put the kettle on. I'm going to have a bath.
I got my parenting book through today, so I can learn independently how to be a god mum... he just caught me reading it and rolled his eyes in derision.... sheesh....
We also talked a bit about the holidays and my not drinking... he says I got to do what I got to do.... true enough. No emotional support at all. This sucks ... I dream and imagine he will say something else, hug me , love me ... but no. It's been weird for ages .. before I made my drunken mistake... . My heart hurts when I think of it and I don't know how to change it or make it better... especially since I did wrong. But I did actually realise drinking would make it worse... progress! !! I may hate myself and not be able to make this OK, I mag be rubbish at everything. But I didn't drink over it! Score!
Thanks guys...
I did have a fag today... usually only smoke when drunk... but I needed something just to have... so that's not so good huh....sorry.