Oops! Didn't realize that this was an old thread. Well, what I've said still stands!
I haven't read all the very thoughtful replies here, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have already said. I just wanted to say that I, too, am an adult child of alcoholics who grew up and ended up in relationships (a series of them!) with alcoholics. It took me a long time to accept that I had learned some very bad patterns as a child that I need to let go. From my parents, I learned to accept unacceptable behavior, and I learned to live for some day. I learned to live on hope that things would get better. As a kid, that was my only way to survive emotionally, because living in the present sure wasn't cutting it! I've had to accept as an adult that these coping mechanisms no longer serve me. I've learned that it is so, so important to make my decisions about who I will let close to me based on who that person is in the PRESENT. If they change in the future, those decisions can be revisited. But staying with someone based on who you hope they might someday become is a recipe for heartache.