Hi,
I know that this topic is pretty old... but I am completely new to forums and didn't know where else I could post my message.
I’ve got here because I was looking for a way how to make someone to realize that they have a drinking problem. And as most of you have already said it hundreds of times: there is no such way.... So I left my search behind... but then I got to a bit different point and I don't exactly know what to do...
So here my story comes:
Some time ago (aprox.3 months ago) I've met a really nice guy and I quite quickly realized that he has a drinking problem. I was trying to help him but of course he thinks that he doesn't have a problem and it's me who is making problems. Well... it is a bit different in his case because he has a huge alcohol tolerance (he has been drinking for 20 years) and as a result he doesn't really mess up important things like for example work. But he does drink 5 days a week on average and it's usually 7-9 pints of beer in one evening.... out of this he gets drunk like twice a week (when he just talks rubbish but is not aggressive or anything like that). So for me it really looks like he has a drinking problem... and I am very worried about his health... but this is my only argument... that I am worried. And then he gives me his contra-arguments that it doesn't really influence his life and my life (except for me being worried but that's my problem (and it’s not completely true either because the longer we are together, the more situations happen when it actually does influence me)) so it becomes very difficult to show him that it's not good. I know I cannot do anything so I'm trying to do different things with him after work- so he doesn't go to a pub and drink... but that's not really a solution
.... I had a very calm conversation with him about his drinking a few times... and sometimes he just admits that he knows he drinks too much but he doesn't realize that this is a problem and he doesn't want to stop. And then recently, when we had similar conversation he said: "I do know I drink too much.... but it makes me feel good and it's easy because it's always there. And it also helps me to socialize with strangers. So when I do my calculations- I get more than I lose out of drinking". And then when I asked him: "what if at some point I am so unhappy with your drinking that I decide that I cannot stand it anymore and I leave?", he replied: "well.... then I hope that it will be at the point when you are so important to me that when I do my calculations, it won't be worthy anymore to drink".
So my question is: What can I do in situation like that? Is it possible that we will be close enough to each other to get a different outcome of his calculations? Or it's just his empty words? Leaving now would be so much easier... I am younger than he is, I could find someone who doesn't have a drinking problem, who spends time with me instead of being in a bar every day, drinking with strangers. But I know that if I left him now, he wouldn't do anything to get me back (he's not this kind of person who gets attached in 3 months) and he would definitely not stop drinking. But if there is even a small chance that me staying would change something in his calculations- I would stay. But then I am so scared that I will end up like all of you here: in love with someone who hurts me and who is not going to change. And I have all of the predispositions to end up like that; reading all of your posts I could see that most of us have the same thing in common: we are very strong women, who naively believe that we can change the world....
What would be your advice? Has anybody told you before that it possible for them to stop? That they can picture it and that you can be a part of this realization? Or is it just another way of saying: "I will be drinking no matter what but I still want you by my side"?