Croissant

Never, ever, ever too late.

Snooz. I lied to myself for a bit this last time I drank. I'm pretty sure I didn't mention that I'd been "coerced" into a drink. Just one. Last New Years Eve. Just as we were leaving the party...my glass of champagne got poured and I said no, then it was there, so I intended to "pretend" to sip it. But then I thought, oh hell....one sip can't hurt. Sipping away on that glass for about haf an hour.

Got home, went to sleep. Nothing.

This is good. I'm ok.
6 weeks later. My friend comes to town. Nothing bad happened at New Years....hmmm. Maybe a few drinks won't hurt. Slight blackout, but ok. No more drinking, don't tell the SR people. Let's see how this goes.

Sip around feb 22. Knew I wanted to drink the lot, but gave the bottle away because I knew my kids would know, and I'm on holidays.... feeling guilty.

Go to work party on the 27th of feb. This is my third time drinking since the New Years episode. All nighter. Black out. Nearly set my house on fire. Altercation with a house mate.

Hmm, I better rethink this. How did I get from no cravings to black out? Feel a bit embarrassed at work, and at home (they think it's a once off) better rethink my strategy. What's the best way to think? Get a bottle of wine of course, just to make sure I'm not over reacting, surely I can drink sensibly? I gave up for 8 months...got fit, lost weight. I will just drink this weekend. No, I don't think I will mention this on SR (maybe I did at this point, probably not, cos you guys would ruin my fun).

Anyway, that weekend of drinking and thinking solved a lot at the end of Feb (not). I drank I think pretty much every day during March. (Intending to stop every day)....for the next four weeks.

New job 1 April. Showed up desperately hung over. I was scared. I'd injured my ankle in blackout still not sure how.

Nothing about drinking was predictable anymore. The volume, the cravings, the promises to not drink....all of it....just as crazy as day 1 back in July 2013.

There's no point me drinking, fantasising about drinking, romanticising drinking. It didn't happen immediately, Snooz. But you must stop, tell yourself the real truth, that this WILL kill you. It's time to grow up and accept we aren't bulletproof anymore, we really aren't. This thing has us in a heartbeat every time we think raising a glass to our lips is an option.

With that, I'm going to bed too. Snooz.