Welcome back Applekat
It helped me to think of things this way - maybe it will help you too?
I realised that what I was calling energy was actually me - the addict - getting my fix.
It wasn't a good thing that alcohol 'gave me energy' - it was a very bad thing because it showed graphically how far my addiction had progressed....
without alcohol I was becoming more and more like a limp rag.
You need to fight this applekat - give it all you have, ok?
D